Keevins would “empty the bank for R******”, but as usual, he gets his predictions regarding Celtic ridiculously wrong

I gave Hugh Keevins Sunday morning garbage my usual read yesterday morning.

I had the intention of reading it and skewering like I usually do, but I decided to hold off until today.

You see, Keevins as usual, decided to make a prediction when it comes to Celtic.

Now, as I discussed in Saturday’s article, he and prize village idiot, Kris Boyd, rarely, if ever, get their predictions right.

So I said I’d hold off and see what happened in yesterday’s cup tie and St. Mirren Park.

I’m glad I did.

The hilarious thing about Keevins is that his claims in relation to his predictions are so outlandish, so ridiculous, that you know all he’s trying to do is get a reaction.

But this idiot is too blind to see that he’s the only one who ever ends up looking like a complete twat in these situations.

Then again, I guess when you’re stealing a wage like he does, then you really don’t care how stupid you look, do you?

It must be great to get paid for being a clown.

Here is the opening headline to yesterday’s breakfast serving of tripe:

I’d empty the bank for R****** but I wouldn’t part with two bob on Celtic and here’s why – Hugh Keevins

There is a horror story confronting the Celtic fans that only this unique city can throw up when the stakes are high.

The opening line of the article is then stunning in it’s utter arrogance, which is further layered in complete stupdity:

I would not, on current form put two bob on Celtic’s chances of still being in the Scottish Cup by four o’clock this afternoon in Paisley.
You could hardly claim that a win for St. Mirren would have to be filed under “Cup shocks,” given the way Stephen Robinson’s side are playing, could you?

I hope that Stephen Robinson didn’t look at this article yesterday morning.

In fact I’m pretty sure that any manager with a modicum of sense would steer clear of this bungling buffoon’s inane ramblings.

However, if he had read it, he would have known the kiss of death had been put on his side’s chances of advancing to the next round of this season’s Scottish Cup.

Because that’s what Keevins does.

When he makes a prediction, he dooms your team to the complete opposite of what he says.

And that’s exactly how it transpired yesterday.

He wouldn’t put two bob on Celtic to win.

But wait a minute, shock, horror, Celtic won.

2-0.

And St. Mirren lost.

Like I said, doomed.

If I was Hugh Keevins, I’d me more inclined to put two bob on the opposite of everything he predicts.

You’d think he’d have learned at this stage?

But, as discussed in Saturday’s article, he and Boyd are a special kind of thick.

Most sane people learn from their mistakes, but when you mess it up every single time like Keevins does, well, you’re gone way beyond the point of no return.

He reminds me of Dastardly and Mutley, always trying to stop that pigeon, but never, ever succeeding.

Then again, he does look like a cartoon character, doesn’t he?

With regard to him emptying the bank for R****** in relation to their upcoming tie against Ross County, well that’s like betting on a one horse race, to be fair.

I don’t think even Keevins could jinx that one, but stranger things have been known to happen.

The master of drivel goes on to ramble about the Ibrox side winning a treble, which most of our esteemed stenography corps believe is a dead cert now.

Weren’t they spending the Ibrox side’s Champions league money last week?

But with regard to Keevins, there are a few beauties I have to highlight.

Here is the first of those:

You would not, based on the poverty of their displays since the end of the Winter break, open your curtains to watch Celtic if they were playing in your back garden. They have been baled out by own goals and penalty kicks against Ross County, Aberdeen and Hibs in quick succession.

Baled out?

By what, hay bales?

Oh, I get it, Keevins meant bailed out.

So who bailed them out?

The opposition teams?

Or the referees?

Because in Keevins’ book, there is no corruption in Scottish football, is there?

But his “baled out” inference would suggest that there is.

Nobody “baled” Celtic out.

Our players were fouled, we were awarded penalties, legitimate ones, I might add, not one of which could be disputed.

Well, they were, by none other than the village idiot, but shockingly enough, nobody else.

Nobody was “baled” out.

Not by haybales, or actual bail.

We never hear of the Ibrox side being “baled” out when they get a penalty that saves their bacon, do we?

Enough said.

I’m not going to argue that our displays have been great lately, but nobody has been bailing us out.

It is often said that the sign of a Championship winning side is one that doesn’t play well, but continuously grinds out results.

Funnily enough, we seem to keep grinding them out, don’t we?

Onto Keevins’ next beaut:

Prior to the jail break that was staged at Easter Road last Wednesday, Brendan said, “It’s my job to control the inner voice of the team.” This sounds dangerously like mumbo-jumbo to me, but I can well understand why the manager’s head has been turned by the events of a season dictated to by questionable signings.

Mumbo Jumbo??

Look who’s talking.

I rest my case.

And finally, the tour de force from the King of farce:

I am old fashioned. My belief is that, if Celtic go out of a cup competition, Rangers automatically become the favourites to win it, as they did in the case of the Viaplay Cup. Also, the idea that beating Rangers is the benchmark for any Celtic team has been shown to be incorrect regarding the championship.

Well Hugh, your belief counts for diddly-squat, because Celtic didn’t go out of the cup, did they?

I guess that’s what being “old fashioned” gets you.

Which translates into being a stubborn old fart, who will never change his ways.

Hence the reason he never gets it right.

So here’s a new scenario for you Hugh.

Celtic play Livingston at home in the cup on March 8th.

Will you “empty the bank” when it comes to the home side beating the bottom placed side to advance to the quarter finals?

Or will you bet against Celtic, and “empty the bank” on the Ibrox side advancing?

When they have to play an away tie at Easter Road?

A side who might have a new manager in place, if performances under Nick Montgomery don’t improve soon.

As I alluded to in Friday’s article on Bill Foley, if Montgomery doesn’t turn things around, their next appointment might just surprise us all.

But I’m not willing to make a prediction on what’s going to happen.

I know better than to make a fool of myself all the time.

Unlike our Hugh.

Who has always, and will always, be good for a laugh.

Some things will never change.