A Kew Heavins exclusive: Celtic coming apart at the seams as home fans turn on their heroes

Yesterday, my esteemed colleague in the media, Neil McCann, made a very sage and wise point.

He stated that the Ibrox crowd were cool, calm and collected as they urged their team to topple a panicked, and misfiring Celtic.

They are fully behind their heroes, so to speak.

In a city where a draw is a catastroscope, and a loss induces complete meltdown on a nuclear scale, the Celtic fans are the ones having a full scale metdown.

They have pulled out the scatterguns on their manager, and he is now in the unenviable position of risking being mowed down in a hail of lead should his jittery charges fail in their quest to land 3 in a row.

And that’s only after Celtic drew against Aberdeen.

This is what the O** F*** does to people.

Turns them into all out nut jobs, frothing at the mouth, and losing all control of their senses.

I should know, I’ve been a journalistic genius in this city for nigh on 90 years.

And I’ve seen some things in my time, let me tell you.

But never have I seen a title race as close as this one.

It’s a game of cat and mouse now, and for me, big Phillipe Clemence looks like the cat, while poor Brendan Rodgers looks like the hapless mouse.

Cowering in the shadow of Peter Lawwell at Celtic Park, and running scared from Monsieur Clemence, as he closes in on him rapidly.

There is no escape for Celtic.

The R****** are coming.

They are the form team now, the side with all the momentum, and I don’t see anything stopping them.

Celtic on the other hand, are like a clapped out Morris Minor, belching and farting their way to oblivion.

I owned a Morris Minor back in my young days, and believe me, it wouldn’t be the select choice for a getaway if one’s chosen profession was a bank robber.

Right now, Philippe Clemence looks like the master thief, about to mastermind the theft of the title back from Celtic.

And believe me, once he’s achieved his goal, it will ensure Ibrox domination for years to come.

A changing of the guard, if you will.

R*****’ esteemed chairman, John Bennett, is a far cry from the arch criminal that was David Cunningham King.

He is no fool.

While Celtic continue with their bungling buffoonery at board level, Bennett is reaping the rewards of their ineptitude.

This is why his ingenious appointment of Monsieur Clemence will result in riches galore for the Ibrox side in the years to come.

I’d empty the bank on them winning the Europa League as well as the Scottish Premiership.

Wait a minute, I already emptied the bank on them beating lowly Ross County.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t refill it, due to the fact I also bet they’d be top of the table after their endeavours on Wednesday night.

After 87 shots on target, they somehow conspired to only score 3 goals.

Apparently, on loan Fulham keeper, George Wickens, made a world record breaking 84 saves on the night.

Ah well, you know the old saying?

An old codger and his money are easily parted.

Well, this old codger knows a thing or two, and despite emptying the bank on Wednesday night, I’ll do it all again before this season is out.

Such is my confidence in this current Ibrox side.

Forget the fact that Celtic have won five trebles in the last 7 years.

Past glories count for nothing.

£200 million in the bank, and a squad of diddies on the park is what I see.

The quiet spoken, steely determined, Belgian master tactician has their measure.

The Belgians are famous for their waffles.

I’m also famous for waffle, but Philippe Clemence is not a man of many words.

He does his talking on the park.

And so far that has translated into clawing back the gap he inherited.

Michael Beale inherited one of them too.

Unlike Monsieur Clemence, he was unable to claw it back.

That’s why he’s at Sunderland, and Celtic are about to concede the title to the blue half of Glasgow.

Expect much weeping and gnashing of teeth in the East end before long.

This title will be wrapped up long before the season is over.

It is as inevitable as death and taxes.

There was a club that suffered a death from taxes once.

In it’s place is a new and vibrant one, with cool, calm, and collected supporters.

The one that will take Celtic’s title and dominate for years to come.

There’s a £60 million pot of gold awaiting them.

Unlike Celtic, who would lock that cash in biscuit tins in the vaults beneath Celtic Park, this cash will be invested in the Ibrox playing squad.

Spelling the end of Celtic’s domination for years to come.

An old codger like me can see that Celtic are coming apart at the seams.

And you know I ALWAYS get my predictions right.*

This one will be no different.

*Disclaimer – we cannot be held liable for Kew’s predictions, should people choose to empty the bank on them. We accept no responsibility if he gets it wrong. Remember to gamble responsibly.