EXCLUSIVE: Celtic fans laugh as we’re told the Ibrox side will NOT have a fly on the wall documentary like Wrexham. Why bother telling us then?
Eric Knott 
(Photo by Robbie Jay Barratt - AMA/Getty Images)
What makes an exclusive these days? Well, apparently at Ibrox, something NOT happening actually makes headline news.
Go figure.
Now, we all know the Ibrox fans are desperate for a bit of the Hollywood action when it comes to their club.
They think that because the club is under American ownership, all the Hollywood A-listers will want a piece of the action.
They’ve been expecting the likes of Will Ferrell and Paris Hilton to rock up at Ibrox in the coming season.
They’re also desperate for a fly on the wall documentary like Welcome to Wrexham.
Which has landed worldwide fame for the Welsh club.
There would be only problem with that, though.
A documentary at Ibrox would have to be extremely censored.
Simply because you couldn’t air half of what goes on in the stands at that stadium on any given match day.
Especially when Celtic is visiting!
Anyway, I’m deviating slightly.
Andy Newport of the Record was desperate to tell us today that there won’t be a fly on the wall documentary at Ibrox any time soon.
So desperate was he to tell us, that he made it an EXCLUSIVE.
But why bother telling us at all if it was never destined to happen?
This is an EXCLUSIVE non-story.
On that basis, I’ve decided to make my story on how Celtic supporters find this hilarious an EXCLUSIVE too.
Because I’m sure we do.
Well, I know I do anyway.
But really, why bother writing an exclusive story about something that isn’t going to happen.
You could understand it being an exclusive if there was going to be a documentary similar to Welcome to Wrexham at Ibrox.
Instead, Newport goes out of his way to tell us the 49ers – “minority shareholders” don’t forget – don’t like this sort of thing.
Well, how can it be their shout if they’re only “minority shareholders”?
Maybe the Record will change their stance again soon on what sort of stake the 49ers group have in the Ibrox club?
Who knows?
They might magically become major shareholders soon?
Because nobody seems to know for sure what their position is at the club.
Yet they’re the ones who’ve decided there will be no fly on the wall documentary.
Today we’re told Andrew Cavenagh and the 49ers are about to drive a tractor into Ibrox and “plough” another £20 million into the club coffers.
On top of the £75 million they’ve already “ploughed” into the club.
These days, it seems to be pluck a figure a figure from the sky and run with it.
Outside of that, Newport gives some insight into what a fly on the wall documentary could do for the Ibrox club.
Because apparently, Rob McElhenny and Ryan Reynolds only paid £2 million for Wrexham, and now the club is worth £350 million!
Wow!
Just imagine what it would do for the Ibrox club?
They could title it, “Built on success“!
But, unfortunately, those pesky 49ers chiefs, namely Jed York – who is a “minor shareholder” at Ibrox – doesn’t like these sorts of documentaries.
So what the “minority shareholder” says, goes.
Jed York is effectively duping the Ibrox side out of a possible £350 million!
Imagine that!
This is all coming from a “Stateside source”.
Now, if all of that wasn’t confusing enough, here’s a bit of what said “Stateside source” had to say:
There was a Leeds documentary a few years back that followed them the year they won promotion to the Premier League, but that was organised by Andrea Radrizzani, who was the majority shareholder at that time, with the 49ers only holding a minority stake. I can’t see it being repeated at R*****s.
Oh well, then I guess it isn’t happening then.
Because Mr. Stateside source said so.
So it’s all much ado about nothing.
An EXCLUSIVE about speculation from the Ibrox support.
Here’s what Andy Newport really should have said in his headline:
EXCLUSIVE 49ers say no to Rangers Amazon Prime documentary despite Wrexham blockbuster
Although I guess if he’d said that, he couldn’t have made an exclusive out of a non-story?
But £350 million?
I mean why the hell didn’t they just organise a documentary themselves instead of asking the Yanks to buy the club?
Surely that would have been a better money spinner?
Money grows on trees, of course.
And it’s been the same club since 1872.
There you have it.
Just another EXCLUSIVE non-story from the fantasy world that is Ibroxland.
With many more to follow, I’m sure…
I remember reading a match report from this guy Newport about the Idah cup final where he said the huns had us under the cosh for 89 minutes .
Ever since that I take everything he says as f*cking nonsense
Andy NEWPORT you say…
There’s a Newport in Wales, where Wrexham is.
There’s also a Newport in Scotland, where theRangers are from.
And Newport is a brand of American cigarettes – can’t you see..?
It’s all coming together.
Now that’s an exclusive.
Did you know I only quite recently had a girl who was intimate with me orally who looked just like Paris Hilton and after all that great deal of pleasure she tried to con me by using the young Paris’s own dirty video by claiming that she was she and I was he and we got it all together?
If you don’t you missed something but I couldn’t possibly tell you what it was, as you could never have been there but nor was she in the most literal sense of things though that’s barely my fault and it’s not like it was the first time.
But, aye, up the chuckies, no mah fault every cunt’s deid noo.
And that’s Wrecsham, my Celtic friend.
Wrecsham.
Welsh, you see?
And has anyone ever seen Andy Newport and Gavin Newsom in the same room at the same time?
I rest my case …