Robbie Keane ‘outguns’ Martin O’Neill in the Celtic manager race??? Stop the bus – MON is plan A, and Keane is plan B if MON walks…

Stop the bus.

Have you seen this afternoon’s papers??

Apparently, Robbie Keane has now “outgunned” Martin O’Neill in the race to be the next permanent Celtic manager.

Outgunned???

Are they for real??

The man who took us from the precipice in October to a domestic Double in May has been outgunned by a manager whose last gig ended with him quitting Ferencvaros barely a week ago??

Give me a f*****g break.

This Daily Record headline alone tells you everything you need to know about the state of the Scottish sports media in June 2026.

Let me get this straight.

A 45-year-old novice.

Twelve months into his first proper top-flight job.

Has somehow “outgunned” the man Dermot Desmond hand-picked from October, who brought us back from the precipice and delivered both domestic trophies on the bounce.

The man with more silverware in his cupboard than the rest of the shortlist combined.

Indeed.

That’s the level of analysis we’re getting from the Stenography Corps this week.

Make no mistake – Robbie Keane could turn out to be a fine football manager one day.

Maybe.

We will all wish him well.

But on the day Dermot Desmond is sitting down with him for a conversation, the idea that he has somehow leapfrogged Martin O’Neill is simply not credible.

It’s not a “head-to-head battle” nor is it a “shoot-out”.

It’s not Bloodsport in the directors’ box with Robbie Keane and Martin O’Neill squaring up over a buffet.

Martin O’Neill is plan A.

Robbie Keane is plan B.

End of.

The “battle” framing exists because the SMSM cannot bear to print “Dermot has a backup plan in case Martin says no” as a headline.

Here is what the BBC Scottish Gossip column is telling us this morning, quoting the Scottish Sun:

Title-winning interim manager Martin O’Neill and Robbie Keane, who recently quit as Ferencvaros head coach, are in a straight fight for the Celtic job, with major shareholder Dermot Desmond holding talks with the latter on Monday.

They’re labelling this a “straight fight”.

A “battle”.

A “head-to-head”.

Of course.

Because “Desmond meets Keane to keep him warm in case Martin O’Neill politely declines” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, does it??

Then there’s Alan Nixon, over on Patreon, telling us Keane has been “earmarked as the frontrunner.”

The frontrunner.

For a job the current incumbent has not even officially turned down yet.

Stop the bus.

This is the same Celtic board, remember, who pushed talks with MON back by a week last Thursday on the very day they were demanding our season ticket money.

As I said in my article that day.

Pushed back.

Nudged back.

A wee delay.

And now we’re supposed to swallow that they’ve leapfrogged the man, signed and sealed a successor, and pencilled in his entire backroom team of Stephen Glass, Scott Brown and Jonny Hayes – all of that – in the space of 72 hours??

Apparently not.

The fact is, Robbie Keane’s name is in the building this week for one reason and one reason only.

Dermot needs a fall-back option in case the man he actually wants tells him to stuff it.

That’s not a battle and it isn’t a “shoot-out” either.

That’s a contingency plan.

And the Andy Townsend tribute act is doing nobody any favours either.

Now, over to Andy Townsend, on OLBG of all places, as helpfully transcribed for us by the Daily Record.

I could see Robbie Keane being a success at Celtic, he’d bring all his energy in there and I could see him being a natural successor for Martin.

A “natural successor”.

Right.

Because being a player with the Republic of Ireland under O’Neill back in the day is, of course, the very definition of a “natural” managerial succession in 2026.

I shit you not.

He’d be the best bet for them, he has a real appetite and a real excitement around him.

“Appetite”.

“Excitement”.

That’s the pitch.

That’s literally the case being made in a national newspaper for replacing a man with a UEFA Cup final, and seven major trophies in Glasgow on his CV.

With a man who has won one Asda-budget Hungarian league.

Apparently.

Give me a f*****g break.

I have no problem with Robbie Keane the player, or the man.

But let’s be honest here – Andy Townsend popping up on a betting site to back his old Ireland team-mate for the Celtic job is not “due diligence”.

It is mate’s-rates punditry.

Pure and simple.

And the SMSM running it as a serious “outgunning” of Martin O’Neill is exactly the kind of summer click-bait we have come to expect from this lot.

The truth is the simplest one nobody at the Record wants to print.

Martin O’Neill is plan A.

Robbie Keane is plan B.

There is no plan C.

Nor is there a “battle”.

There is no “shoot-out”.

There’s only a queue.

If Dermot can persuade Martin to do another year – on Waitrose money, not Asda money, as Old Shug correctly put it yesterday – then we will get Martin.

If Martin walks, then Keane gets the gig.

That is the entire thought process.

The rest is filler.

The rest is the SMSM padding column inches in the off-season.

Because there is nothing else to write about while their own clubs sit in mid-table mediocrity wondering where it all went wrong.

So when you see “Robbie Keane outguns Martin O’Neill” as a headline this morning, do yourself a favour.

Read it for what it is.

A bookie’s pundit, a betting-site quote, and a sub-editor reaching for a fight metaphor that does not exist.

Outgunned???

Indeed.

The only thing being outgunned this week is the basic intelligence of the Celtic supporter base.

Sad, but true.

I rest my case…

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