The Record jumps on the Champions League debacle with it’s garbage story about two Celtic transfer deals being “axed”

Where does the Record come up with this garbage about Celtic?

A newspaper title that hasn’t got the slightest clue as to what goes on behind the walls of Celtic Park, can now confirm that two transfer deals have been axed due to our failure to qualify for the Champions League?

Pull the other one.

Seriously.

The two players in question?

Louis Munteanu of CFR Cluj and Jakob Breum of Go Ahead Eagles.

A “report” has apparently suggested that Parkhead money men have walked away from the deals as they look to “rein in spending”.

Jesus wept.

What f###ing spending?

Can anyone point me in the direction of the vast amounts of money we’ve spent this summer that need reining in?

And while they’re at it, could they point me in the direction of these mysterious “money men” at Celtic?

Because as far as I can see, there’s only a bunch of worn out old farts.

Who couldn’t organise the proverbial piss up in a brewery.

Men who’d figure out a way to sell sand to the Arabs, or snow to an Eskimo.

But wouldn’t spend money if their lives depended on it.

We’ve known for a long time that Munteanu and Breum wouldn’t be coming to Celtic.

For the Record to say that its because we need to “rein in spending” now as a result of failure to qualify for the Champions League is complete bollocks.

Here’s the reality.

We’ve spent jackshit.

There’s nothing to rein in.

But you know what’s really interesting about all of this?

Its time now for our board to put their money where their mouth is.

They can now show us how a club that budgets for the Europa League operates.

Because apparently that’s how we roll, isn’t it?

This was what we budgeted for all along.

This was the plan.

And don’t forget, these are the guys who justified their large salaries by telling us that we get what we pay for.

We sure as shit do, don’t we, yeah?

We think second tier, we get second tier.

So, as an exercise here, I’m going to do a little bit of maths for those of you out there who think that Celtic suddenly became broke overnight and that we need to “rein in spending”.

Last night in Almaty, it was shit or bust.

We shat it, thanks to a lack of firepower up front, which is largely thanks to our wonderful board.

I highlighted this in detail in my article earlier, which was titled:

The Almaty Calamity: A timeline to disaster, and how the Celtic board conspired to destroy our Champions League hopes and dreams once again…

Well, maybe I should have thought that through better?

Maybe I should have said we got what we paid for?

Although we must be mad to be paying a CEO who has not uttered a word in 1343 days in office a million quid a year.

And insane to be paying a Chairman who swears he has nothing to do with the day to day running of the club £120,000 a year.

In fact we are getting what we pay for, and that amounts to nothing, nada, zero, zilch.

Peter Lawwell is at pains to tell us he has nothing to do with the day to day running of the club.

Therefore, he gets £120,000 to sit in the director’s box and look good.

Money for nothing and your chicks for free, as the old Dire Straits ditty goes.

As for Michael Nicholson, the sports lawyer supreme?

He gets paid a cool £1 million a year to be invisible.

Now, if he did shit, and he wanted to prove that he got shit done around Celtic Park, then all he’d have to do is front up with a plan.

But for 1343 days, he has decided that we plebs don’t need to know anything about the club we contribute millions to season after season.

Peter Lawwell: “I don’t do anything, Shug!”

Michael Nicholson: “I’m not telling anyone what I do, Peter!”

A closed mouth catches no flies and all of that.

Or in Nicholson’s case, a closed mouth catches you a million quid a year.

That’s a stupid saying, a closed mouth catches no flies.

I mean who wakes up in the morning and says, “I’m going to keep my mouth closed all day today in case it catches any flies?”

In the case of Michael Nicholson, just say a closed mouth catches f### all.

Except a million quid.

That’s easier.

Shit, I’ve gone off on a rant there.

I forgot about my maths project and showing you how our board rolls.

So take a look at the below screenshot:

Now, the key take out in that image is the Ibrox side’s earnings in last season’s Europa League campaign.

We should be good enough to make the last 8 in that competition, shouldn’t we?

If that team of losers last season could do it, then why couldn’t we?

So, let’s just say we do, we stand to make nearly £20 million.

Then take into account that we have a bigger stadium for the matchday experience, which should in turn increase our revenue by a decent amount.

I’ll be conservative and say we could earn £25 million.

Then add the sale of Nicolas Kuhn to that, and we have £42 million.

And then add the fact we’ve spent jackshit in this transfer window, and well, you get the picture.

Whatsa problem?

And there you have it.

We do, after all, have a bunch of geniuses in the boardroom.

I’m giving them full credit and saying that this is their plan for this season.

This is budgeting for the Europa League.

This is thinking second tier, and being second tier.

Now all they need to do is front up and tell us that this was their plan all along.

But in all seriousness, even if it was the plan, who knows, maybe it could be, maybe it couldn’t, does it involve strengthening the team?

No, it doesn’t.

It simply involves filling the coffers to close to the same levels the Champions League did.

Investment in the team is our problem right now.

And as long as these “geniuses” are in charge, that will always be secondary.

And we will continue to have miserable nights like last night over and over again.

On repeat, like a deja vu designed to haunt us for the rest of our living days.

So, when the Record comes out with bollocks about money men reining spending in, just remember one thing?

There are no money men.

There has been no spending to be reined in.

Instead, there is just a bunch of accountants and lawyers, who at this point, are winging it.

Out of ideas, and out of time.

You can change this.

All of this.

You have a voice.

Use it.

#Sack the board

#Renewal is coming