How can it be this hard for Celtic to tie up a deal for a man who already knows where the dressing room is?

Right.

Let me get this straight.

We are ‘trying to come to some sort of agreement’ with Kelechi Iheanacho.

A man who has already worn the shirt.

A man who already knows the way to the dressing room, the training ground, and the car park.

A man who was, quite literally, already in the building.

And we still can’t get it over the line.

Jesus wept.

When you can’t even close a deal for a player you’ve already had, what hope is there for the rest of the rebuild?

Speaking to the Scottish Sun after the 4-1 pre-season humbling by Sporting, here’s what Martin O’Neill actually said:

“We’re trying to come to some sort of agreement with Iheanacho but we are definitely making moves.

“I am in constant touch with Michael Nicholson. Shin Yamada has gone on loan and Michael is in the background working away.

“I don’t know about numbers but I am definitely optimistic we will get players in… But I’m very hopeful about Iheanacho.”

Let’s break that down, shall we?

‘Trying to come to some sort of agreement.’

Not agreed. Not signed. Trying.

‘In constant touch with Michael Nicholson.’

Well, that’ll get it over the line, won’t it?

‘Definitely optimistic.’

There’s that word again.

The very same word I was picking apart only yesterday when Silent Mike was ‘busting a gut in the background’.

Well, the gut is still being busted, apparently.

And still nothing has landed.

Because now we’re told there are offers from Qatar and Saudi Arabia on the table for Iheanacho, and Celtic are ‘trying to come to some sort of agreement’.

Trying.

Not agreeing.

Not signing.

Trying.

We had first-hand knowledge of this player, and we still managed to turn a formality into a saga.

Think about it for a second.

There is no scouting mystery here.

There is no ‘we need to see how he settles’ risk.

We’ve seen how he settles.

We know exactly what we’re getting, and he knows exactly what he’s coming back to.

This is the one deal in the entire window that should have been a phone call and a handshake.

Instead it’s ‘hurdles’, ‘agreements’, and ‘hopeful’.

And in the meantime, the Saudis and the Qataris have wandered in with their chequebooks open, because of course they have.

Every day we dither, the price goes up and the odds go down.

But sure, O’Neill is ‘in constant touch with’ Silent Mike.

While we agonise over one returning striker, the one summer signing we did make is in the door after 7 weeks of ‘trying’.

Let’s not lose sight of where we actually are.

Camilo Duran, the £6 million man, is our solitary bit of incoming business.

O’Neill has christened him ‘Daizen Maeda Mark Two’ after he came off the bench and scored against Sporting.

Fair enough, the boy pressed and he found the net, and I hope he’s a player, I genuinely do.

But here’s the small problem.

We’re trying to sign ‘Maeda Mark Two’ while Maeda the original is packing his bags for the Premier League.

So we’re replacing the man before we’ve even confirmed the replacement can stay fit.

And the only concrete deal we’ve actually completed this week is shipping Shin Yamada out on loan to OH Leuven.

One out.

That’s the ‘busting a gut’ in action, folks.

The door is ‘open’, the situation is being ‘monitored’, and nobody is walking through it.

Then there’s Julian Araujo.

O’Neill has ‘left the door open’ to bringing him back on loan.

Left the door open.

Where have we heard that before?

Except even O’Neill admits Bournemouth would probably rather sell him than loan him again, so that’s likely a non-starter too.

Adrien Blake at Utrecht, on the radar.

Iheanacho, hopeful.

Araujo, door open.

On the radar, hopeful, door open.

The holy trinity of a Celtic transfer window.

And not a single one of them tied up.

The season starts in three weeks and we’re still ‘trying’ to sign a man who wanted to come back.

Three weeks.

That’s the runway.

Three weeks until the Premiership, and a Champions League qualifier barrelling toward us that, once again, we won’t be ready for.

We never are.

And the club’s answer to all of this is the same answer it gives every single summer.

We’re ‘hopeful’.

We’re ‘optimistic’.

We’re in ‘constant touch’.

We’re ‘trying to come to some sort of agreement’.

Meanwhile Nottingham Forest have already lodged a bid for Arne Engels, so rest assured the selling machine is oiled and running as smoothly as ever.

Every pound a prisoner, cash above all else.

It’s only the buying that this club treats like pulling teeth.

If a man who already loves the place and already wants to come back is ‘a hurdle’, then God help us with the ones who don’t.

Look, I want it to happen.

I want Iheanacho back through the door, I want Duran to stay fit, and I want O’Neill handed a squad instead of a set of press quotes.

But we’ve been conditioned better than to believe ‘hopeful’.

We know what ‘hopeful’ ends in at Celtic.

It ends on deadline day, with a rebuild cobbled together at the last minute at panic.com, and the same tired excuses trotted out about ‘market conditions’.

You know?

The ‘market conditions’ that never seem to affect anybody but us?

A returning striker who knows the badge, wants the move, and just needs a signature.

And even that is apparently beyond us.

Get it tied up, Silent Mike.

You’ve met the man before, remember?

I won’t hold my breath, though.

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