Barry Ferguson reveals all in his master-plan to sign Lawrence Shankland, and how he’s going to help them win back the title from Celtic. How can you win “back” something you never had in the first place??

It appears that Barry Ferguson maintains the deluded belief that the Ibrox side own the Scottish Premiership title, and that it is theirs to take back.

Reading his articles, you would believe that it has only been on loan, courtesy of the Ibrox side, at Celtic Park for the last 14 out of 15 seasons.

His latest one is a masterpiece in the genre.

In the Daily Record this morning, the Stenography Corps have rolled out Barry – he of the EBT vintage – to tell us all about his “masterplan” to sign Lawrence Shankland.

A masterplan, peepul.

A masterplan…

To sign a 30-year-old striker on a free transfer.

I shit you not.

Aye Barry, the masterplan was bulletproof, was it??

The big man wants us all to know that Armitage Shankland was right at the top of his list as priority No.1, twelve months ago.

A “free transfer and an absolute no brainer”.

A “signing that had to happen”.

Well, Barry, here’s the bit you might have forgotten.

It didn’t happen.

Because the only thing that ended up at the top of anyone’s list at Ibrox was a P45 with your name on it.

But never mind that.

Because here’s where it gets really good.

Of course, it didn’t work out that way for either of us. I left a few weeks later and the people who were in charge of making the decisions at that point in time are the only ones who can explain why Lawrence slipped through the net.

The people who were in charge of the decisions.

Indeed.

Barry was nominally one of them, was he not??

But the masterplan stands.

Of course it does.

And of course, the Ibrox side has been allowed to lose its identity.

Barry’s word, that one.

Allowed.

By whom, exactly, Barry?

Sevco’s own board, or Sevco’s own recruitment department?

Sevco’s own managers, of whom you were one in the very recent past?

Or are we just supposed to accept that the identity has been mysteriously taken from them by some shadowy outside force?

A core of Scottish players, says Barry.

Natural leaders.

Gnarled professionals.

The sort of “strong personality” who knows what it means to pull on a Rangers 1872 shirt.

Of course.

Just like Cyriel Dessers knew, and Bojan Miovski knew.

Just like Hamza Igamane knew.

Are you spotting a pattern here, peepul??

Better late than never, says Barry. Aye, Barry. Better late than never.

This bit cracks me up.

What Barry is actually saying here is – it’s better late than never.

Twelve months late, but better late than never.

Mark my words, that one is going on the wall at Murray Park.

Right next to the pictures of the Ibrox side that won three trebles in a row.

Oh wait…

That hasn’t happened in a generation.

Sorry, my mistake.

Did Barry just refer to the Ibrox side as the third placed team?

Stop the bus.

Did Barry Ferguson, the masterplanner, just refer to the Ibrox side as the third placed team?

He did, didn’t he??

I had to read that one twice.

Three times, in fact.

Because somewhere in this masterclass about leaders, identity, and gnarled professionals, the wee detail that they finished THIRD has snuck in like an embarrassed cousin at a wedding.

Yes, the third placed team.

Behind Celtic.

And Hearts.

The very same Hearts whose 30-year-old captain they have now signed on a free transfer, as Barry’s masterplan unfolds in glorious slow motion.

A 30-year-old striker, jettisoned by the team that finished second, is the missing piece that will lift the Ibrox side from third all the way to first.

Because that’s how it works.

Apparently.

Jesus wept.

Make no mistake here – there is no title to win back.

That’s a sign that Rangers are back moving in the right direction and it’s clearly something the new owners want to build on.

Are they, Barry??

Are they really??

Because from where I’m sitting, the only direction they have been moving in for the last 14 of 15 seasons is further and further behind Celtic.

Let me get this straight.

You cannot take back something you never had.

The Premiership trophy lives at Celtic Park, peepul.

It has done for the best part of two decades.

And it ain’t on loan.

Nor is it not borrowed.

It is not the property of Rangers 1872, of whatever-they’re-called-this-week, or of any “rebuild number 15”.

It’s ours.

It was won on the pitch, season after season, in the only way titles can be won.

And it will be defended exactly the same way.

By the current champions of Scotland.

Not by a sacked Ibrox manager scribbling masterplans in the Daily Record.

Six-in-a-row incoming, peepul.

Barry Ferguson (EBT £2.5 million).

I rest my case.

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