Paderborn would rather let Mika Baur go for free than sell him to Celtic at a reduced price? It’s bad when clubs despise you that much…

Earlier in the week, I wrote an article about the text I received during the Trinity Tims podcast on Monday night.

In it, the possibility of four players coming to Celtic was discussed.

Joe laughed so hard at it, he told us he’d pour a glass of water over his head live on next week’s show.

I said we’d hold him to that.

For a minute, I had a glimmer of hope that the contents of the text message would come to pass.

For a while, it looked as if it might.

As predicted in it, Daizen Maeda was Ipswich bound the following day, and not long after, we were in negotiations with Paderborn for German under-21 midfielder, Mika Baur.

In addition to that, the Kasper Høgh rumours continued to gain traction.

It looked as if we might actually be getting serious in the transfer market.

I thought we might just get Joe to pour that glass of water over his head after all.

Joe needn’t have worried.

I shouldn’t have believed.

I should know better really.

The Mika Baur deal may just be dead in the water.

To the complete shock of nobody in almost the entire Celtic fanbase, Michael Nicholson managed to screw the deal by haggling over a paltry £300k.

Yes, you read that correctly, £300k.

A club with almost £100 million sitting in the bank, and £15 million in transfers banked over the last couple of weeks, feels it is wise and prudent to haggle with Paderborn over £300k.

Now, the happy clappers will tell you that this is what world class transfer dealings look like.

But we know better by now, don’t we?

Personally, I don’t think that Michael Nicholson actually decides that it’s worth haggling over that £300k to begin with.

You must always follow the money at Celtic.

Paderborn want £4 million for Mika Baur, not a penny less.

This is their valuation, it is their right to demand what they feel he’s worth.

Celtic always reserve that right, so why shouldn’t Paderborn?

But you must also remember, we are in territory that requires a phone call to the absent meddling golfer.

While he’s out on the ninth hole, farting around the golf course, consultation is a must.

Why?

Because we have passed the £3 million threshold.

This is the D-D-dead zone.

No movement beyond that without consulting with the de facto ‘Celtic owner’.

So, while ‘talks’ go on, Silent Mike knows in the back of his head that the double billionaire has to have the last say on this one.

The absent meddling golfer answers his call on the ninth.

After reading the email to tell him the call would be incoming, of course.

Very important to point this out, as this is the way things work.

Now, the old fart has the chance to birdie the ninth when he receives the phone call.

So he’s not really focusing properly on what Silent Mike is simpering down the phone about.

He twiddles and twirls his mean moustache as he listens to the world class CEO.

“Dey want whaatt? £4 million?”

“Yes, £4 million.”

“Tell dem £3.7 million, dats our final offer. Now I’ve a birdie to putt for here, was dere anyting else?”

“N’n’no Dermot, that’s it, I’ll go back to them with £3.7 million”

Simper, simper.

“Let me know when it’s done.”

“Certainly Dermot, certainly.”

Silent Mike heads off to the toilet to shit himself and then ring Paderborn back.

You know what happens after that…

Silent Mike finishes in the toilet, calls Paderborn back, and the humiliation ritual begins.

The humiliation becomes such that Paderborn tell Silent Mike that they’d rather let Mika Baur go for nothing than accept his lowball offer.

In a nutshell, that translates into, f*** off and get serious.

But we aren’t serious.

We never will be as long as we continue to operate the way we do.

It’s bad when clubs dislike you that much, isn’t it?

But it’s just business for Silent Mike, the £17k a week makes the ritual humiliation so much easier.

Every pound is a prisoner for the double billionaire, and getting to golf in peace is the only thing secondary to that.

He doesn’t need the likes of silent Mike grovel-groveling down the phone and messing up his A-game on the golf course.

He didn’t get to become a double billionaire by being nice to people and just accepting the figures people expect in business deals.

It doesn’t work that way.

Double D always gets what he wants, but the key to business is never, ever, to give everyone else what they want.

That’s how we roll.

Now, what about Kasper Høgh?

I’ll leave that particular endeavour to your imagination…

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