Statement o’clock from Celtic…

The Celtic board are ‘surprised and disappointed’ by the reduction in Celtic’s ticket allocation by Heart of Midlothian.

But that’s it.

There’s nothing they can do about it because it’s ‘out with their control’.

As is everything at Celtic Park.

Because as we know, everything is at Celtic controlled by the absent meddling golfer.

If the Celtic board were to release a statement saying they’re ‘surprised and disappointed’ by our poor performances in Europe, then people might actually sit up and listen.

Or a statement saying that they’re ‘surprised and disappointed’ that the Celtic fans are ‘not in the slightest surprised, and utterly disappointed’ by their performance as custodians of our club.

A statement like that might actually mean something.

But releasing a statement about our ticket allocation at Tynecastle basically saying there’s nothing they can do about it?

Well, that’s the Celtic board in a nutshell.

Shite transfer policy?

Nothing we can do about it.

Stadium is falling down?

Nothing we can do about it.

Our performances in Europe are diabolical?

Nothing we can do about it, we can’t compete.

Dermot Desmond controls the entire operation?

Nothing we can do about it, if we do, we lose our cushy numbers.

We can’t engage in a proper management recruitment process?

Nothing we can do about it, nobody wants to manage Celtic.

But we’re learning from our mistakes, honestly.

And we promise to do better in the future.

But it’s way, way, way, way, into the future.

Now, any time a crisis of any magnitude arises, we might, just might, tell you that we’re ‘surprised and disappointed’.

Because that’s all you’re entitled to, and that’s all your getting.

It’s our way of showing we care deeply about our passionate support, with statements like this:

We have been informed by Heart of Midlothian FC that we will receive an allocation of 508 tickets for our forthcoming match at Tynecastle Stadium at the end of this month.

Clearly we are surprised and disappointed at this move, which represents another cut of around 20% on our previous allocation and follows significant reductions across recent years.

However, to be very clear, this is out with our control and is the decision of the home club.

Seriously, why even bother with a statement like that?

Is it going to bother anyone at Hearts?

Nope.

Is it going to help the Celtic support in any way?

Nope.

So what’s the point?

Well, there is a point actually.

Celtic could do something about this whole situation, not that we’d expect them to, since they can barely organise an AGM.

They could reach out to the SFA, and they could ask them to create a rule similar to the way English clubs do when it comes to away allocations in the SPFL.

In the EPL, they mandate that an allocation of 10% must be given to away supporters.

That would mean 2,000 away supporters at Tynecastle, which isn’t unreasonable, to be fair.

Instead we get a paltry 508, and ‘surprise and disappointment’.

Then again, to engage with the SFA as Scotland’s largest club would require some effort, and perhaps even some work for people outside their comfort zone.

And we don’t do that, doooo we?

No, no, we do what Dermot tells us, no more, no less.

It was ever thus.

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