Do they have a landing strip at Murray Park? Armitage Shankland ‘jets in’ to help the Ibrox side wrestle the title away from Celtic

Well, well, well…

So the boyhood Gers supporter is jetting back from his holidays in Portugal to save the day at Ibrox.

I shit you not.

According to the Daily Record, Lawrence Shankland is “flying back to Glasgow” to complete a “sensational” switch to Rangers 1872.

Sensational???

Let me get this straight.

A 30 year old striker, who couldn’t drag the Gorgie men over the line in the final straight, is the man who is going to make the Ibrox side great again.

Is he??

The man who scored 20 goals in the league for the Gorgie men, and stood and watched as Derek “Siege Mentality” McInnes’ side coughed up a six point lead with two games to play, is now the answer to all of theym problems at Ibrox.

Jesus wept.

Apparently, the landing strip at Murray Park is being prepared as we speak for Captain Disappointed’s replacement to be jetted in.

Teefal heid jets in Fae Edinburgh….

The flightpath was as long as his forehead 🤣

— TUPAC GOLDENBALLS (@TupacGoldnballs) May 25, 2026

Because that’s what the Daily Record’s intrepid stenographer, Andy Newport, would like us all to believe.

You see, Lawrence “Break Clause” Shankland has cut short his family holiday in Portugal to make the dash back to Glasgow.

Such is his “dedication” to the cause.

He has agreed personal terms.

He has been offered a two-year deal, with the option of a third.

And – and this is the best bit – he’s only going to cost the Ibrox club…

Wait for it.

Absolutely nothing.

Not a single penny.

Not a brass farthing.

The Gorgie men, who saw their title dreams crumble at Celtic Park barely a week ago, are now about to lose their captain and top scorer to one of their direct “title rivals” without seeing a single penny in return.

How does that work, I hear you ask?

Well, it turns out that the wily Scotsman had negotiated a little something into his contract last summer, when Derek “Siege Mentality” McInnes was begging him to stay.

A break clause.

A get-out at the end of year one.

The mug Gorgie negotiators clearly didn’t see that one coming, did they??

Heartsed it.

Again.

And the good news for Ibrox chairman Andrew Cavenagh is that it won’t cost him a penny after the Light Blues were alerted to a clause in the 30-year-old’s Tynecastle contract that means he can walk away from Gorgie for FREE this summer.

For FREE.

In capital letters.

Just in case any of us were in any doubt about how badly the Gorgie men have been mugged off here.

Mugged.

Off.

To their absolute faces.

So now, Jim Gillespie is “hoping” to wrap the medical up before Tuesday, when the boyhood Gers fan meets up with Steve Clarke’s Scotland squad.

And his unveiling?

That will depend, says Newport with a completely straight face, on whether Stevie gives him “the green light” to nip across Glasgow to Auchenhowie for his pictures holding a Sevco scarf.

You really could not make this stuff up.

Are we honestly being told that the Ibrox club’s entire summer rollout is now hostage to the Scotland manager’s diary??

Really??

Are we??

Make no mistake, they will get this one over the line.

And the SMSM – the Stenography Corps – will spend the next fortnight telling us all that the Raynjurz are cummin again.

Of course they will.

They always do.

Now, am I the only one who finds it absolutely hilarious that this is being sold as “the signing of the summer” before he’s even had his medical?

Because Tom English, over at the BBC, is on board too.

Of course he is.

Tom.

Always there when you need him.

He reckons our man from Gorgie is “the leader” the Ibrox side seek.

The “steel and presence”.

The man who is “everything” Andrew Cavenagh was talking about last Sunday when he wittered on about chemistry, leadership, guile, and “football IQ”.

Give me a f*****g break.

Rangers chairman Andrew Cavenagh spoke last Sunday about the club’s need for leaders, ideally Scottish leaders and gnarled professionals.

He never mentioned Lawrence Shankland but almost didn’t need to. The striker is everything he was describing.

Is he??

This is the same man whose side led the Premiership table from August right until the 87th minute of the final day.

And still couldn’t get it over the line.

He’s some leader alright.

Some steel.

Some presence.

And there’s more – this is, apparently, going to be the first of a string of “tartan recruits”.

Yes.

The famous “pro-Scottish bias” is back on the menu at Ibrox.

In the wake of finishing third – third – Cavenagh had this to say:

Our focus is on what is ahead of us and we are very clear that we need to add chemistry, leadership, guile, football IQ.

We have a pro-Scottish bias in the club today – meaning if you have two players roughly equal and one is Scottish, we will take the Scottish player.

Oh sweet Jesus.

We’ve heard all of this before, haven’t we??

Kris Boyd called for it.

Ally “Ibrox legend” McCoist called for it.

And now Cavenagh and Danny Rohl are answering the call.

The winning kulture is on its way back to the klanbase, peepul.

Once a Ranger, Always a Ranger.

Just hand over a break clause on the way in.

Russell Martin, of course, could have signed him on a free last summer.

But “turned down the chance”.

Now there’s a sentence you don’t read every day.

A previous Ibrox manager looked at the same player, on the same free transfer, and said no thanks.

No thanks.

Indeed.

And yet, twelve months later – and one P45 down the road – that very same man is now being held up as the saviour of the Ibrox side.

The saviour.

What a difference a year, and a sacking, make.

You genuinely couldn’t write this shite.

Let’s not pretend the comedy stops there.

Former Gorgie man Ryan Stevenson, bless him, is absolutely in bits over on BBC Scotland:

Straight away, you’re losing 20 to 30 goals a season if Shankland leaves. You’re losing your captain, who is pivotal on and off the park.

One of Hearts’ title rivals is potentially taking their best player. It’s a bitter blow.

He’s not wrong, to be fair.

The Gorgie men have just spent an entire season throwing the kitchen sink at us.

Blaming pitch invasions.

Churning out sore-loser statements.

Rolling Sir George Foulkes out for his “concede the title” pantomime.

Over and over and over again.

And now?

Now their captain is jetting in from Portugal to sign for the very team they swore they couldn’t lose to.

Sad, but true.

Cry more.

The truth is, this is rebuild number 15 in 15 years.

And they’re still looking for it somewhere in the dark recesses of Ibrox.

Kind of reminds me of that U2 song.

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

Another “first summer signing”, and another “leader” who “gets it”.

Another “winning kulture” to be assembled, free of charge, on a hope and a prayer.

And – here’s the thing – none of it will matter a damn.

Mark my words – he’ll run around for the Ibrox side, he’ll score his fair share of goals, and he’ll no doubt get a few soft penalties off Brother Beaton along the way.

But the title?

The title is staying right where it is.

At Celtic Park.

Six-in-a-row, anyone?

Because while they’re are rolling out the red carpet at the Murray Park landing strip for their boyhood Gers man, the rest of us know exactly what we’re watching.

It’s the same circus.

The same routine.

The same shite, dressed up in a new Ibrox jersey.

“The Raynjurz are cummin”, again.

Keep flying them in, peepul.

We’ll be waiting.

Six-in-a-row.

End of.

Choose Read Celtic as a ‘Preferred Source’ on Google News for quick access to the news you value.